Scotland pt. 2

The Scotland section of my trip draws to a close. Tomorrow is officially my last day here and then I leave at some ridiculously early hour on Wednesday morning to journey to California and my sister. These last few days have been good. My Mom and little sister, Maya, arrived on Saturday afternoon. My Uncle Paul had been here for a couple of days before that and he drove my Dad and I to the airport to pick them up. Paul left Sunday morning so it's just the four of us plus Grandpa. Somehow I thought it would be strange to see the rest of my family after two months apart, but two months doesn't erase eighteen years. It feels perfectly normal to be all together, even if it isn't in the usual surroundings.

Weather has outdone itself lately. Saturday morning started out sunny, turned to rain, followed by snow, and returned to sun for the afternoon. By sun, I mean a relative lack of cloudiness but the sky is never totally clear. It's impossible to say what the day will be like even on the morning of, though it has rained every day in typical Glaswegian style. My Dad and I were fairly lucky our first week here and it's good we made use of those clear days by going into town because we really haven't been venturing far since we returned from Germany.

Since the arrival of my Mom and Maya we've seen some of the rest of the local family and friends. My cousin Simon came over the other day and our old babysitter, Bridget, came over earlier today. That was nice but I'm pretty eager to get to California and sunshine. Not to mention my sister who I haven't seen since the summer! So that is all for now, and probably all for Scotland. Back to the US it is!

Nothing And Everything To Do With Travel

A month ago I was in the desert, and a month from today I'll be on an island, but today I am in Scotland. Somehow, for some reason, every time I've come back to this house (which is only 3 times since we moved away) all my insecurities seem to present themselves. Maybe it's the rain, maybe it's the absence of a used-to-be feeling of home. Either way, they struck me down last night in a midst of college doubts and questions about home. When I tell people my older sister went to Harvard and then say, or rather admit, that I'm going to University of Maine I feel like I can always detect a hint of judgement. Even if it's not there I create it myself. And I've always counteracted my parents comments on how the name of the school makes a difference with, "Yes, I know that, but I just don't think Harvard, Brown, Yale, etc is the right place for me. I know what I want to do and I don't know that I could properly study it at any of those schools." Which is true, partially. But there's always the fear that if I applied and didn't get in it would only validate that I'm not as good, not as smart as my sister. And if I did get in I could only ever be as good as. Not to mention that I'd probably be going for the wrong reasons, which is, essentially, the name. Also I just feel so far away from home, it hardly feels like I have a home at all. Even when I return it's only a few months before I move into a college dorm. I'm worried I won't have friends when I get back, or that we'll all be different and no longer desire to be friends. Last summer there was one week early on that threw me upside down and inside out, and in response to losing my boyfriend, the abandonment of my best friend to a boy, and a real family problem coming to light I essentially stopped hanging out with most of my friends and dived head long into work just so I might feel exhausted and numb by the time I got home. But I always knew my friends were there if and when I wanted them...now, away from home, I don't have any real friends. Maybe because of that lack, and the lack of communication at some points, I desperately want really good friends and people around me to talk and engage with. Right now I'm with family, which is nice, even if it is just me and my Dad and we've sometimes had enough of each other (though we're getting along remarkably well with very few tiffs), but it's still different than having friends.

Loneliness would hit me from time to time in Israel. And it's strange learning to be on your own, to go places by yourself, no plans with anyone, really alone. Maybe I've never been that independent before; I never really went places by myself because at least half of the point of going was just to be able to spend time with others. What I notice when I think back is that I was really good at adapting to different mindsets and different people, but I don't know how often I was actually being myself. I don't even know what 'being myself' entails. Do we ever understand ourselves? Does anyone ever understand us? Have we ever properly understood anyone else?

So that's all. No comment required. It's just nice to write it down and know it's available, public, present, there, and true. 

It's hard to believe that I'll be in California in less than a week now. And the day after tomorrow I see my Mom and little sister, Maya, after two plus months. What would happen if time just stood still? I feel like it's the continual progression of time that astounds me more than anything else.

In The Absence of Sunlight

It's nice to know that in a world that changes as fast as ours you can always rely on Glasgow's weather to be rather miserable. It's been less than a week since I arrived here and already I'm kind of sick. Between the cold, damp climate and consistently grey skies my immune system didn't stand a chance. Glasgow really isn't a place for anyone disposed to depression; what gets to me the most is waking up to a cloudy, grey sky which remains a similar shade of grey for the majority of the day before descending into total darkness. There was sun predicted for this afternoon which I've realized means that you will see only the outline of the sun behind a dense cloud layer. What surprises me the most about Scots is that they are a particularly cheery sort, at least the ones I've met. But I think you really have to be like that in order to survive here. Either that or the ability to hold your liquor.

Today was a very successful day. My Dad and I went to the Royal Thai Consulate of Glasgow to get my visa for Thailand. It was ready in 3 hours as opposed to 3 or so weeks. I got money from my Scottish bank account and converted some to Thai Bahts so I'm all set for Thailand. Can I tell you how excited I am to be somewhere warm again? I'm also really looking forward to going somewhere no one in my family has gone before. Thailand is my one real contribution to this trip. None of my parents' friends to visit and no family to stay with. This is, in some ways, my first real endeavour out into the world as a traveller and a person.

Tomorrow morning I head to Germany with my Dad. He has to do some research there one day and then we're staying with old friends of his for a couple of nights. I'm mentally preparing myself for colder temperatures but I'm crossing my fingers for some sunshine. I'm dreading next year's winter in Maine. I haven't seen a single snowflake this year and I'm complaining about the cold in 30-40 degree F temperatures. In terms of a Maine winter I'm being completely spoiled this year, but when it comes down to Glasgow's grey, rainy skies I might actually prefer the snow.

What I can say about Glasgow is that is has some really beautiful architecture. And I love fish and chips. And Cadbury Flakes are one of chocolate's greatest inventions. And there's a bagpipe school in the middle of town. And who doesn't love a good kilt store? I actually saw a kilt wedding dress which was truly bizarre. When I can understand it, Scottish accents are quite lovely. There are no harsh consonants and it's said in an almost sing-song manner. Glasgow's got a real personality to it; there's no second guessing where you are as you walk around town. Now if only there was some sunshine.

Scotland pt.1

Double decker buses, fish and chips, haggis, and kilts...where else could I be but Scotland? On Wednesday my dad picked me up from the airport. Funny when you think it was about two months ago that he dropped me off in Boston. It is so good to see him! And, of course, my Grandpa as well. This is my third time coming to Glasgow since we moved to America when I was five, and every time I come here it brings back so many childhood memories. Names of people I haven't though of in over a decade suddenly pop into my head, like my old babysitter, Bridget and her little dog. Or I'll look at something and suddenly have flashes of memories, like the cupboard under the stairs where I used to play with a dollhouse. Things that haven't crossed my mind in years. In some ways the house is exactly the same as it always has been in my mind, but it's also different being here when it's so empty. My grandpa is 95 and he's been living in this house for about 60 years, half of this house's lifetime. His children were born and grew up here, and then my parents moved into the upper half and so my sisters and I also partially grew up here. It was always full of people and children and now it's just one man's house - but it still feels like a home to me.

My Grandpa really is incredible and knows something about everything, and usually a little more than just 'something.' You can sit down and have a conversation with him and learn the entire history of steeple making (once I asked what the tallest steeple in Glasgow was), or really anything. He's really a remarkable person and the older I get the more I am amazed by all that he knows. This is only the fifth time I've seen him since I was 5 and I really wish we were able to make it over here more often. Except I could do without the weather...


Today is actually the first day it's rained since I arrived, but it's been cold and damp. The only consolation is that it's still warmer than it would be if I had stayed in Maine. My dad's been here for just over a week now, and he's spent most of that time rehearsing with his old trio for a concert they performed yesterday. He plays the piano, Lev plays the violin and viola, and Sasha plays the cello. This is they're first time performing together in about a decade but it was really wonderful. I went with my Grandpa to the concert yesterday and he met up with some of his friends (I hope I have friends at 95). One of them is an editor for a magazine my Grandpa reads and contributes to now and then. My Grandpa sent him a few excerpts from this blog and the editor suggested I send something short in. How cool would that be?

Now that my Dad's finished his concert he's got a few days off, but we're leaving on Tuesday for Germany. We've spent today working up the courage to go out into the rain to buy food, and tomorrow if it clears up at all we'll go into town for a while. Monday I have to get my visa for Thailand. And then it's up in the air - literally.

PS: We took the train the other day and the ticket checker's name was 'Scott.'