Pre-Trip Nerves

I've had to say my first real good-byes in the past few days, and there are more to come. I keep being told how excited people are for me, and how jealous they are that I get to do this, but to be honest, I'm really afraid now that my departure is three days away. I'm excited too, no doubt, but this isn't like summer camp when I can come home early if I need to (which I have done before). I'm committed to five months away from the comfort of routine and predictability. In Bangor, I know what I'm doing; I'm good at my job, I've got good friends and family, and if things ever get too overwhelming I go up to the stables where I can disappear in the woods with my horse for a few hours. I crave travel and adventure, but I'm intimidated by it.

It's almost like a test, like something I have to prove to myself. Can I go off by myself to places I've never been before, with languages I don't speak, and not only survive, but thrive? My mom said she felt the same way before she left home for the first time. Maybe that's how everyone feels.

Actually, I'm not so scared of being alone in the world; what I'm most anxious about are airports. Not flying or being on airplanes, but navigating the airports, getting to the correct gate (on time), and knowing where to go. Customs, baggage claims, passport control, transfers, check-ins....what is the correct order!? I have literally studied maps of the terminals/airports I land in (which would help if I was any good at reading maps), and I know that's a little pathetic/excessive but it sort of makes me feel better. Maybe it'll be like when you have to give a presentation in class and the anticipation is worse than the actual presenting part. Maybe.

After writing this, no one's going to believe me when I say I'm excited to travel. But I am. And I do want to go. And I know it's going to be okay.

I saw this guy for the last time on Sunday.
His goodbye present to me? Ripping out a large section of his mane.
Thanks Ransom.