Israel For Dummies

It's raining.
And grey.
And chilly.

If you thought I was writing from Scotland you're wrong. This is how Israel says goodbye to me. At least it won't be such a shock when I arrive in the UK.

Now that my time here is up I feel inclined to impart some wisdom on the Israeli persona -
Words To Know:
1. Shalom - Hello, Goodbye, Peace
2. Slicha - Excuse Me, also know as "What the Hell are you doing in my way?"
3. Bivakasha - Please, You're Welcome. Not to be confused with "Benzona" as happened to someone at the farm in the desert. Benzona means "Bitch."
4. Sababa - Awesome, Cool
5. Todah - Thank You
6. Yofi - Great

Best Israeli Food:
1. Falafel. Israel's version of fast food in some respects.
2. Shakshuka. A tomato sauce with maybe some onions or red peppers or whatever you've got lying around and then crack eggs onto it's surface as it cooks. So good.
3. Hummus. Just put it on everything it only uses its powers for good.

How To Cross Streets:
It's perfectly fine to walk directly out into the middle of the road and start crossing...if you have a death wish. This is proper road crossing protocol.
Step 1. Locate your nearest crosswalk. There may or may not be a sign saying when it's safe to cross or not.
Step 2a. If there is a sign, wait for the green person. Or run. Israelis usually choose to run at seemingly safe moments because who really wants to be that loser who's actually waiting for it to be safe to cross?
Step 2b. If there is no sign then you have the right of way. Don't think that means people will stop for you though. Just start walking and look the driver in the eye and hope he stops.
Step 3. You have now either successfully made it to the other side of the road or are roadkill. There's about an equal chance of either happening.
My first day I couldn't figure out why no one would stop when I was clearly standing at a crosswalk. I thank Michael Grumer for teaching me this valuable lesson.

Things Israelis Like (pt 2):
1. Coca Cola - never Pepsi
2. Eggs! Most houses have between 1-2 dozen eggs ready to go
3. Scarves. It could almost be a law: "No female neck may be visible during waking hours."

Be Prepared To...
1. Have a lot of food thrust at you by the infamous species known as "Jewish Mothers." If you politely refuse expect to be asked, "What, you don't like it!?"
2. On a similar note, people don't beat around the bush here. They're going to be bordering on rude at times and the only acceptable response is to be just as direct back at them.
3. Assert yourself or you will be completely taken advantage of. Israelis can smell weakness from a mile away.

My entire time here I've been guilty of a few things:
1. Thinking like a Mainer. Whenever I'm on a dangerous road I always think "Man, this must suck in winter with all the ice on it." WRONG. It is winter. There is no ice.
2. I always try to use cats as landmarks. Whenever I walk anywhere and take mental notes of where I'm going it's usually something like: "So I went down Ben Yehuda St, turned right at the black cat who looks like a jerk, etc" But sometimes this actually works! Or you'll at least know that you're in the right neighborhood.
3. Anytime I try to think in Hebrew and form sentences I fill in the blanks with French words and grammar. Which makes me wonder how it's possible for those people who know 4 or 5 languages to keep them all straight.

I've been told that when you're here you notice all the bad things that are going on and crave to be elsewhere, and that when you're elsewhere all you want is to be here. Time to test the theory! This really is the last post from Israel. I'm going to miss going to the beach and wearing flipflops and t-shirts in January - not that the weather has been that nice the whole time... And to anyone who housed me and might be reading this: Thank you so much for the hospitality and generosity you showed me. Until next time!